Attachment Issues

Written by:

Hahyeon(Summer) Kim

After the huge success of When Life Gives You Tangerines, a Netflix K-drama starring IU and Park Bo-gum, everyone’s searching for their own Yang Gwan-sik. Not only are this character’s looks perfect, but his personality seems to be just as ideal. Some YouTube channels have even tried to identify Yang Gwan-sik’s attachment style, explaining why we find his calm, grounded demeanor so attractive. In this article, I’ll explore not only Yang Gwan-sik’s attachment style, but also the three other major styles.

         Attachment styles describe the ways we connect with others, especially in close relationships. Typically, psychologists define four attachment styles: secure, ambivalent (or anxious), avoidant, and disorganized (also called fearful-avoidant). These patterns develop in childhood—based on how caregivers responded to our needs—and carry into adulthood, often shaping our romantic relationships. But before we start blaming (or thanking) our parents, it’s important to remember: attachment styles can change over time. They’re not fixed, and with awareness, we can grow.

         Let’s begin with Yang Gwan-sik. Why is he so attractive? (Looks aside, obviously.) He’s quiet and composed. He might not be the type to say “I love you to the moon and back,” or call you “the most beautiful woman in the world,” but he’s always there—by your side, on your side. He’s not easily overwhelmed by emotions, nor does he disrespect boundaries. Instead, he shows his affection through consistent actions rather than grand declarations. This kind of steady, respectful love is characteristic of a secure attachment style—arguably the healthiest and most balanced approach to relationships.

         Of course, not everyone approaches relationships like Gwan-sik. Another common pattern is the ambivalent (or anxious) attachment style. People with this style crave closeness but often doubt their partner’s love. They may overthink small interactions, feel anxious when the other person is distant, and seek constant reassurance. They might send multiple messages in a row, ask questions like “Do you still like me?”, or become clingy to avoid rejection. While their needs are real and valid, this anxiety can feel overwhelming—for both people involved.

         Then there’s the avoidant attachment style. As the name suggests, avoidant individuals are uncomfortable with emotional closeness. They often fear losing independence or getting hurt if they open up. To protect themselves, they may withdraw when emotions run high, send mixed signals, or adopt an “I don’t need anyone” mindset. They might end relationships just when things get serious—or seem distant, even if they care deeply. If this sounds familiar, it might be because of the growing trend of “situationships” in modern dating.

         Finally, we have the disorganized (or fearful-avoidant) attachment style. This style is often the most confusing—both for the person experiencing it and their partner. People with disorganized attachment long for connection but also fear being hurt. They might alternate between clinging and pushing away, unsure of what they truly want. They may feel insecure both when alone and with others. Sometimes, they even sabotage healthy relationships—not because they’ve lost interest, but because their inner fears and needs are clashing. Imagine someone confessing deep love one day, only to disappear the next, not out of malice, but out of emotional overwhelm.

         So, now that you’ve read through the four attachment styles, which one feels most like you?

         Even if you don’t see yourself as a securely attached Gwan-sik type, that’s completely okay. Attachment styles are not life sentences, they’re starting points. By becoming aware of our patterns, communicating openly, respecting boundaries (our own and others’), and practicing emotional regulation, we can all work toward more secure, fulfilling relationships.       

         After all, everyone deserves to love and be loved without fear, confusion, or anxiety holding them back.